Third Times The Charm, Right?

I would like to totally place the full entire blame of my weight gain on my kids but unfortunately I can’t do that 😦 It has really been a test dealing with my weight over the past 6 years. So let’s take this journey back to the old school. Around the ages of 8-10 somehow I turned into a chubby kid. I wasn’t large just not skinny. Once I become active in Pee Wee Drill and literally practicing just about every night I got into the habit of pretty much not eating. No I am not talking anorexic not eating. I would simply eat before practice which was probably at 6 or so and not eat again. I dropped a tremendous amount of weight.  From 11-21 I was very active with cheerleading and dance. My weight fluctuated between you ready ? 102 and 113 WOOZERS!!!!!! No amount of Taco Bell, late night Whataburger and gallons of snow cones was going to mess with my fine figure. Fast forward to mid 2000’s my weight peaked at about 150. Once I stopped dancing the Taco Bell, late night dinners,  clubbing, and drinking finally caught up with me.  I was unhappy at 150 but I could still fit a size 12 so no biggie right? Wow how I wish I was that 150 again. After having my 1st kid my weight has become something that I think about everyday.  And with those thoughts come major depression .  Seriously I have thought about gaining more weight just so I can get gastric. How psycho is that? I have even told my wonderful husband that maybe if he was one of those verbally abusive husbands that told me I was fat everyday I would lose weight….even worse right? I know. I am in a bad place. Very bad. He always tells me I am hot no matter what. Gosh I love him.

You see sometimes I don’t enjoy working out, actually I have internal arguments with my mind on the subject. I never had to workout. Better yet the working out I was doing was pure enjoyment to me. Now that I have to make a calendar appointment with myself to workout it is not as fun. I get super pumped and excited for a few months then I am like screw this. Self destruction at it’s finest. You see I don’t need to drop 50 yes I said 50 pounds for appearances. I need to drop 5o pounds so I can walk into a Forever 21 or any one of those other drop it like it’s hot stores and feel comfortable. Who am I kidding? That is only part of the reason. I need to drop this 6 year old body weight that I have attached to my bones for my family. I want to live a long and healthy life for my husband, my children and everyone else that I love.

So far me the third time has to be the charm. Lyposuction will only work when I am at the weight I want. The money I spend on blood pressure medications could surely be best utilized in some other aspect and my kids need me. This is going to be a hard road because my discipline level has also diminished in my old age. That is another post all together. So until next time I have to put down the french fries and sundaes……

Check out a few pics of my ever evolving weight. I wouldn’t have this problem if I was made taller.

 

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Debbie
    Mar 06, 2011 @ 11:35:54

    Ah, this made me sad. I love you no matter what too! But yes you need to be happy about you and you have to live a very long time we have a plan remember! 2 old ladies sitting on the patio drinking our sweet tea with all 15 of our snotty nose grandkids running around.
    You can do it! If ANYONE can, you can!

    Reply

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